We Don’t Always See Eye to Eye
My husband hates my lipstick, but he respects it. Perhaps you and your LEO or spouse never will see eye to eye. Marriage is not about agreeing on everything. On the same note, marriage is also not about sharing the same interests or viewpoints all of the time. When you accept this, you start to regain your power and independence. You also begin to value his more.
What is important is for both partners to be open to understanding the value that the other holds in something. For me, this includes my passion for helping women through LEO Warriors. Some additional items on my list that are not on my LEO’s are: life coaching, healthy cosmetics, reading dauntingly challenging books, baking, and candy making.
I don’t expect my LEO to partake in these activities. He does, however, have a pretty good understanding of why these things are important to me. Just as I have a similar respect and understanding for his interests in fishing and roasting coffee.
A deeper element to all of this is our connection to a higher power. My husband is a Christian and believes in God in the form of a single man. I am agnostic and my higher power is the universe as a whole.
It took us many years to accept the beliefs that each of us has as it pertains to religion. Today, we are empowering and encouraging of our beliefs not because we want the other to believe like we do. We understand that we each hold value in a higher power and ultimately, that doesn’t make our beliefs that different from each other.
We Don’t Communicate
Most women reading this can relate. Your husband gets home, kisses you hello, maybe you start eating dinner, and boom…a whole lot of NOTHING. In part, this is because your LEO is still in his own head with thoughts from what transpired that day.
He is trying to be present but has a difficult time completely disconnecting from work. This Blog has some excellent tools to help your LEO with that.
When we take the time to disconnect from work and turn away from our phone, computer, and television screens, we open the channel for conversation. If leaving your phone in another room breaks your heart, try reading these amazing tips to help with that.
Can you recall the last time that you sat down to play a board game with your LEO? What about chatted together over a creative action like drawing, coloring, post-meditation, etc.? Yes, coloring. Stick your husband at a table with a blue Crayola in his hand and a coloring book. You’ll find that you may have to proof the book for any provocative uh…enhancements, before handing it back over to your kids.
He is Never Home
When my LEO isn’t home, it instantly cuts our level of communication. One way around this for me is to:
- Respect that he is at work, just as he would with me
- Do not bother him with anything. He’s already working a stressful job and doesn’t need more stress with a honey-do list
- Write down the important things that you need your LEO or spouse to know or help with for a discussion at a later time
- Send your husband a thoughtful text, e-mail, or even a sexy picture of yourself to show him how much you miss him. By expressing your love for him instead of your need for him to get something done, it will help rejuvenate your bond when there is distance between you
- Have an agreement in place regarding overtime. If he is supposed to be off and call you at a certain time but is running late, ask him to shoot you a text to keep you updated. This will instantly prevent you from worrying and then sending the dreaded ‘should I or shouldn’t I bother him with my worried text.’
He’s Not Himself
When those days arise when your LEO just isn’t himself, always ask if there is something he wants to talk about. If he doesn’t want to share, respect that. If he does, simply listen and support him. If he doesn’t want to talk then think of something that you know he loves doing, and enjoy it with him.
Bake his favorite dessert, watch the annoying game with him, or simply grab his hand and go for a walk around the block. These are things that will help to recreate his thought process. Chances are, this will also help him to get some things off of his chest.
We are Playing on the Same Team
I can recall a heated argument that my husband and I were having while driving in the car. It got to the point to where I had to yell to him that we are playing on the same team!
This was the only way for him to hear me tell him that I didn’t want him to be my enemy. I was trying to get us to find a common ground. In this, we were able to change our dialect and resolve our issue.
When we find ourselves in disagreements with our spouse, we need to remember that regardless of what we are disputing, you are still in this together for the same cause. When you stop to remember this, it is easy to look at the discussion from a neutral position.
Write it Out. Don’t Hash it Out
If disagreements arise, pause yourself and verbally pause him. Take out the notepad on your phone or a sheet of paper. Start by writing out the issue at hand. Have him go first as you write and list out his entire stance on the situation. Do the same for yourself.
Try to see if there are any similarities or ways that you can draw one line from your opinion to one of his. Turn disagreements into working strategies for problem solving. At first, he may think you are crazy. This may even help to break the ice and cool the discussion off to begin with. You always want to find common ground when you can so that things don’t escalate.
It’s not easy being the woman that you are in a relationship like this. There are tools like some that I mentioned above that you can carry around in your purse to help you along the way. You don’t have to be alone when you feel like you are. Heck, shoot me an e-mail right now if you are feeling that way; I’d love to hear from you. Never forget ladies, you are beautiful, you are strong, you are LEO Warriors.
